Alone In The Dark:
Meet The Dark Wanderer
As part of honoring our commitment to cultural humility and anti-oppressive practices in research, our team took great care in honoring the voices of all of our participants, and gained feedback each step of the way through collaboration with the Asian American community.
The Dark Wanderer’s Tracklist
The Past
Dead Poets Society Scene Intro-0:12 Safety Pin- 5 Seconds of Summer 0:13-0:44 August- Taylor Swift 0:44-2:24 Ripples-beabadoobee 2:25-3:04 |
The Present
Lady Bird Scene 3:04-3:10
I Want To Be With You- chloe moriondo 3:10-3:55
Angel- PinkPantheress 3:55-4:46
Back To December- Taylor Swift 4:46-5:50
The Future
Hate Yourself- TV Girl 5:50-6:53
American Teenager- Ethel Cain 6:53-7:32
Tomorrow (from Annie) (White House Version)- Aileen Quinn 7:32-End
We would like to give special thanks to Elizabeth Anglin for the incredible artwork!
In a teenager’s gentle and reflective mind, where dreams seamlessly intertwine with reality, a young heart experiences an overwhelming yearning for a love that hasn’t yet revealed itself. This tender, shadowy figure flits softly at the edges of their imagination, embodying hope and possibility. As they transition from the past to the future, the teen finds solace in daydreams, where their hopes take root. Embracing the anticipation of love destined to bloom, they invite us to share the vibrant colors of hope, love, and longing that fill their hearts.
Click Below to Follow Along with the Dark Wanderer's Music Analysis
The Dark Wanderer's Past
The dark wanderer starts their CIAB with a quote from the Dead Poets Society –
If you listen really closely,
You can hear them whisper their legacy to you.
Go on, lean in.
Listen,
You hear it?
It is as if the dark wanderer is telling the listener to turn up the volume and focus on what they are about to mix because what will come next is essential to understand who they are. The past begins with Safety Pin by 5 Seconds of Summer, which shows how the teen is calling out for connection –
Runaways, we’re the long-lost children (Hey!)
Runnin’ to the edge of the world
Everybody wants to throw us away
Broken boy meets broken girl
You said you tried it all before (Hey!)
And it only makes it worse
Oh, but this time, maybe this time
Two wrongs make it right
We’ll safety pin the pieces of our broken hearts back together
The dark wanderer uses the song August, by Taylor Swift to express how they regret missing plans because they were waiting to meet someone who never came, echoing the lyrics –
Back when I was livin’
for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all
“Meet me behind the mall”
Remember when I pulled up and said, “Get in the car”
And then canceled my plans just in case you’d call?
Back when I was livin’ for the hope of it all
The dark wanderer’s CIAB ends with Ripples by Beabadoobee expressing how the teen feels like being led on by someone they’re wasting their life on –
When you’d wait ’til we get far
And tell me that you’ll be gone soon.
The Dark Wanderer's Present
The present begins with a quote from the movie Lady Bird –
Don’t you think maybe they are the same thing—love and attention?
The dark wanderer starts the music before the quote is finished, suggesting a connection between love and attention through the lyrics of the song
I Want To Be With You by chloe moriondo –
And I live in the suburbs
And it’s almost unnatural
How lame I act around you
Give me a chance
To say what I mean
Please do the saThis resonates with the listener, suggesting that the teenager is grappling with a profound sense of regret for not having shared their feelings before it was too late. This feeling of regret is beautifully expressed through echoes in the music, symbolizing how emotions can linger and ripple through our lives, bridging moments and memories. Moreover, the lyrics reflect the painful reality of impermanence in relationships, reminding us how precious and fleeting our connections can be. The song is followed by “Angel” by PinkPantheress:
You won’t check your phone,
So you can’t tell me you’re okay,
Because, Johnny, my baby,
Did it always have to end this way?
‘Cause one day
One day, my baby just went away
My angel
The past gently unfolds with a tender song, characterized by a soothing melody, delicate violin loops, and soft, whispering harmonizations. As listeners, we may find ourselves embraced by a deep sense of sadness as the songs weave together. This poignant theme of sorrow and loss resonates throughout the CIAB, inviting us to reflect on the possibility of second chances and healing.
You poured your heart into our love; all I could offer in return was a painful goodbye.
Here I stand before you, humbled and remorseful, ready to apologize for that fateful night.
Memories of December often cross my mind, reminding me of the moments we shared.
You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye
So this is me swallowin’ my pride
Standin’ in front of you sayin’ I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
The Dark Wanderer's Future
In American Teenage by Ethel Caine, you can hear the earnestness of the singer –
But say it like you mean it with your fists for once
A long, cold war with your kids at the front
Just give it one more day, then you’re done
I do what I want
Crying in the bleachers, and I said it was fun
I don’t need anything from anyone
It’s just not my year
But I’m all good out here
The ending of the song evokes a sense of empathy, leading listeners to reflect on whether the teenager is genuinely trying to reassure them that everything will be alright—a sentiment that resonates with the Asian American tendency to uphold appearances—or is this reassurance for their own sake. It’s a heartbreaking yet relatable struggle. Moreover, the subsequent songs seem to capture a sense of limitation, as they rarely look beyond the next year, navigating each day as it comes, filled with both hope and uncertainty. There is optimism and sadness about the future as expressed in the lyrics from Annie:
It’s difficult to know why the
teen chose this version of
Tomorrow because the sound
is sung without any
instruments. It provides a
wishful, yet sad ending.
That’s gray and lonely
I just stick out my chin
And grin and say, oh
The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
‘Til tomorrow come
what may