Leaving The Fairytale to Embark On Life's Journey Meet The Shadow Lover

As part of honoring our commitment to cultural humility and anti-oppressive practices in research, our team took great care in honoring the voices of all of our participants, and gained feedback each step of the way through collaboration with the Asian American community.

The Shaken Idealist’s Tracklist

The Past

Cinderella Scene Intro-0:29

Try Everything- Shakira 0:31-2:52

Brave- Sara Bareilles 2:52-4:18

Diamonds- Rihanna 4:18-5:31

Heartbeat Song- Kelly Clarkson 5:31-6:49

The Present

Barbie Movie Scene 6:49-7:23

the lakes- Taylor Swift 7:23-9:48

Mirrorball- Taylor Swift 9:48-13:01

This is me trying- Taylor Swift 13:01-15:39

Archer- Taylor Swift 15:39-17:04

Fine Line- Harry Styles 17:04-21:32

Long story short- Taylor Swift 21:32-24:23

The Future

Winnie the Pooh Scene 24:23-24:27

Daylight- Taylor Swift 24:27-End (Whole Song)

The Shaken Idealist

We would like to extend our heartfelt thanks to Elizabeth Anglin for her incredible artwork titled The Shaken Idealist!

A teenager who has enjoyed a “fairytale” childhood bravely decides to leave home and explore the complexities of the “real world.” However, they soon confront the harsh realities of life, feeling profoundly isolated and unwanted. It is difficult to hear how quickly their innocence is challenged. In their search for comfort amid the pain, the teen discovers a hidden sanctuary—a space where they can begin to heal. Accompanied by the soothing backdrop of heartfelt DJ effects, they courageously share their struggles. Their voice resonates with a deep yearning for connection and understanding. They long to express a love that is open, honest, and free from judgment, hoping to remind everyone they encounter that they are inherently worthy of love and compassion, no matter how difficult life may seem.

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A teen with a “fairytale” childhood decides to leave the comfort of home to start on a journey. The shaken ideaist’s Cultural Identity Audio-Biography even begins with a quote from Cinderella where a mother is telling her child –

You have more kindness in your little finger than

Most people possess in their whole body.

And it has power, more than you know.

And magic,

magic,

truly.

Have courage and be kind, my darling.

Will you promise me?

Being a good person is essential and likely instilled in them at a young age. The shaken idealist’s CIAB begins a series of echoing oh oh oh from Shakira’s Try Everything from Zootopia. The song is upbeat, with thumping drums & accompanied by a tambourine. The message is one of optimism, resilience, & empowerment –

I messed up tonight; I lost another fight

Lost to myself, but I’ll just start again

I keep falling down, I keep on hitting the ground

I always get up now, see what’s next

Birds don’t just fly, they fall down and get up

Nobody learns without gettin’ it wrong

I won’t give up, no, I won’t give in

The song continues with –

Look how far you’ve come, you filled your heart with love,

Baby, you’ve done enough, take a deep breath,

Don’t beat yourself up, no need to run so fast,

Sometimes we come last, but we did our best.

The teen muffles the end of the song with

No, I won’t leave,

I wanna try (muffle) everything

I wanna try even though I could fail

This song’s resilient message transitions into Brave by Sara Bareilles – a more earnest song played with piano and steady drum beat, where the teen is reminded that –

You can be amazing,

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug.

As the song progresses, the piano and drums play faster, and the teen turns the music louder and louder as if to build the urgency to go out and explore the world.

I just wanna see you (3X),

I wanna see you be brave.

The urgency builds further as if to provide the strength and resilience needed to leave home. Rihanna’s Diamonds is used to convey this feeling, which begins with hope –

Shine bright like a diamond;

Shine bright like a diamond;

Find light in the beautiful sea, I choose to be happy;

You and I, you and I, we’re like be, a vision of ecstasy;

When you hold me, I’m alive,

We’re like diamonds in the sky.

 

As the song progresses, the slow rhythm becomes more predominant, increasing in speed and transforming into a rhythmic marching sound (da da da; da da da; da da da) that is accompanied by orchestral sounds that become stronger, louder, and more urgent.

 

Using Kelly Clarkson’s “Heartbeat Song,” the teen begins their present by turning the listener’s attention to the color and vividness of their current world.

You, where the hell did you come from?

You’re a different, different kind of fun

And I’m so used to feeling numb

Now, I got pins and needles on my tongue

Anticipating what’s to come

Like a finger on a loaded gun,

I can feel it rising,

Temperature inside me,

Haven’t felt it for a long time,

This is my heartbeat song and I’m gonna play it.

Been so long I forgot how to turn it up, up, up, up all night long

Oh up, up all night long

The song has a raw quality, and its tempo matches the heartbeat of a newborn baby, which ranges from 100 to 200 beats per minute. This tempo is comparable to that of a teenager experiencing strong emotions, where the heartbeat can exceed 100 beats per minute.

The rhythm evokes the intense feelings associated with falling in love for the first time—such as the excitement of seeing someone special, having a first kiss, or sharing a first embrace.

When the teenager transitions to a new phase in their life, they reference a quote from the movie Barbie.

Take my hands. (about 8 seconds of silence).

Close your eyes. (longer silence)

Now feel.

Billie Eilish’s song “What Was I Made For?” begins during a pivotal scene in the movie. This moment occurs when Barbie decides to transition from being a doll to becoming human.

 

It’s an emotional part of the film, showcasing how the character experiences a wave of beautiful moments alongside various women.

The intensity of this scene perfectly captures the joy of transformation.

 

Following this, the soft, quiet opening of Taylor Swift’s “The Lakes” continues the teenager’s journey. Acoustic guitar, violins, and string instruments accompany the singer, enhancing the emotional depth of the story.

Is it romantic how all my elegies eulogize me?

I’m not cut out for all these cynical clones

What should be over burrowed under my skin

In heart-stopping waves of hurt

I’ve come too far to watch some name-dropping sleaze

Tell me what are my words worth

Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die

I don’t belong, and my beloved, neither do you

Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry

I’m setting off, but not without my muse

I want auroras and sad prose

I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet

‘Cause I haven’t moved in years

And I want you right here

A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground

With no one around to tweet it

While I bathe in cliffside pools

With my calamitous love and insurmountable

The teenager cuts off the song before the last word in the sentence …

grief

This is the only moment when the teenager cuts off a song mid-sentence, and it powerfully conveys how difficult it can be to confront grief. It hints at the possibility that their love ended tragically or that they might be struggling with the regret of not having acted on their feelings.

This subtle omission of a word reflects the teen’s emotional turmoil, allowing listeners to feel the weight of their experience as the song transitions into “Mirrorball.” 

Swift’s Archer continues this theme:

Can you see right through me?

They see right through (2 X)

I see right through me (2 X)

…

Help me hold onto you

I’ve been the archer I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

Harry Styles’ Fine Lines is an attempt to find balance:

We’ll be a fine line (x6)

Test of my patience

There’s things that we’ll never know

You sunshine, you temptress

My hand’s at risk, I fold

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

The teenager ends their present story by providing resilience and hope –

Fatefully – I tried to pick my battles ’til the battle picked me

Misery – Like the war of words, I shouted in my sleep

And you passed right by

I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides

The knife cuts both ways

If the shoe fits, walk in it ’til your high heels break

…

This time, I’m ready

‘Cause I fell from the pedestal

Right down the rabbit hole

…

I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things

Your nemeses

Will defeat themselves before you had the opportunity to swing

There is optimism about the shaken idealist’s future. Using a quote from a childhood movie, Winnie the Poo,h provides an optimistic future:

I always get to where I’m going by walking away from where I have been.

The final CIAB song is Swift’s Daylight – a song of self-forgiveness and hope. It starts softly –

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I’ve crossed unforgiven

I’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye

…And so I became the butt of the joke

I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked

The song’s rhythm increases with several instruments added. The voice becomes more confident –

And I can still see it all (In my mind)

All of you, all of me (Intertwined)

I once believed love would be (Black and white)

But it’s golden (Golden)

And I can still see it all (In my head)

Back and forth from New York (Sneaking in your bed)

I once believed love would be (Burning red)

But it’s golden

Like daylight, like daylight

The very end of the song softens and drifts, suggesting the shaken idealist’s turning inward to reassure themselves that –

I wanna be defined by the things that I love

Not the things I hate

Not the things that I’m afraid of, I’m afraid of

Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night

I, I just think that

You are what you love

The Shadow Lover
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